Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize