God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize