I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
