What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Pooping to opera.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
