I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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