he looks like a really good dad on facebook
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
