Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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