guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize