girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
