I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
