I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I am puke
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
