Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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