I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
