So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
