don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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