Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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