i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
