you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Is Oprah even human
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
