I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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