You're so nebulous sometimes
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
