Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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