based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
