I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
