I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
