Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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