How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
