I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
