I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
