Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Alive.
So much puke
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
