Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
