But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
