Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Randomize
