I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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