i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize