she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
she looked like the before picture.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Randomize
