I feel like abortions should bother me more
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
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