Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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