HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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