yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
