When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
cat food counts as protein by the way
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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