My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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