oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
