I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
