No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Alive.
So much puke
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
