Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I got inside last night via doggy door
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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