spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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