I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
