thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Randomize
