hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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