I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
