I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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