Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Randomize
