i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
