Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
