this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
