I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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