it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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