bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I woke up under a house in Key West
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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