Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
