Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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