i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize