would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
3pm strippers are depressing
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
