The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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