its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
