The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Randomize
