So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
