They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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