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• (314): View more from Missouri

  So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.

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• (402): View more from Nebraska

  I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.

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• (330): View more from Ohio

  The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.

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• (347): View more from New York

  maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life

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• (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship

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• (402): View more from Nebraska

  Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag

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• (319): View more from Iowa

  I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!

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• (417): View more from Missouri

  Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange

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• (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.

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• (915): View more from Texas

  She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.

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• (505): View more from New Mexico

  Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!

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• (716): View more from New York

  Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.

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• (614): View more from Ohio

  Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.

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• (860): View more from Connecticut

  Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.

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• (765): View more from Indiana

  I have all the porn. Be there soon

  (317): View more from Indiana

  Who is this?

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