On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
