mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
