so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
