I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
